Food Guilt 101: How To Stop Shaming and Overcome It
What is guilt?
Guilt is the feeling someone has when they believe they have done something wrong, like stealing or hurting someone, being rude or lying. And these are all appropriate behaviors to feel guilty about. However it’s important to note that you are not born knowing these behaviors are wrong. You’re not born knowing that you should feel guilty about doing the wrong thing, or what the wrong thing even is.
Guilt is something that is taught to you.
The only way we know right from wrong is because it has been taught to us. Whether it be from a parent or guardian or even a teacher, behaviors of feeling guilt towards a certain action is taught. This is often due to being told your behavior was good and being rewarded for said good behavior, or being told a behavior was bad or wrong and there being consequences. The beliefs that you hold now have been instilled in you from a young age, and you often carry them with you through life.
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What is food guilt?
The same right and wrong beliefs are also taught in regard to certain eating habits. A lot of us grew up with the knowledge that certain foods are either good or bad. This message that food can either be good or bad typically has the worst affect on young children whose parents or relatives engage in dieting and disordered eating. Those children have instilled mindsets from a young age that certain foods are bad, and eating those bad foods would be a behavior similar to stealing or lying, and thus causing them to feel guilty.
For example, if a parent keeps restricting sweets and tells the child it is unhealthy and they should not be eating it, the child learns that eating sweets is wrong, and the natural reaction is to feed bad about it. And guilt then sinks in.
The point is, just as guilt is taught, so is food guilt. When you feel food guilt it means you believe you are doing something wrong, you are breaking a food rule you have.
Reasons we should not feel guilty when eating
First things first, there is no need or role for feeling guilt or shame with your food choices. A well-balanced diet and lifestyle includes all types of food and honors the many roles food plays in our life, from nourishing our bodies on a cellular level to tradition, culture, and enjoyment. Not only is food guilt not productive for creating healthy eating habits, but it also can be really damaging to your physical and mental health.
Have you ever felt less in control of food more likely to overeat the foods you associate with guilt or shame?
This feelings leads to that start-and-stop cycle that we often share about. The shame and guilt intensify after overeating, so you try more rigid and restrictive behaviors to make up for being “bad,” only to feel out of control around food because you’ve become hyper-aware that you can’t have it, and then you overindulge.
Or maybe instead of feeling out of control, you simply try to rationalize with yourself, “I haven’t had any of this food all week and I’m not going to have it again, so I might as well just have all of this other food now.” And the cycle repeats itself. Whenever you’re in this start-and-stop cycle, you’re not able to form consistent eating habits that support your daily and long-term physical health. Additionally, over time, this can also turn into more serious health conditions.
This guilt and shame lead to feelings of helplessness and lack of control, as well as self-criticism, all of which can encourage poor self-esteem and low mood, impacting your mental health. This is why it’s important for you to put some of your time and energy into overcoming food guilt.
Ways to stop food guilt and how to overcome it
Stop food shaming yourself
Eating good food doesn't make you a good person. Likewise, eating "bad" food doesn't make you bad, no matter how nasty you believe the nutrition label to be. When you shame your food, you shame your body.
Follow the 80/20 food rule
The idea is simply to just eat healthfully 80 percent of the time, in whatever way you see fit. Maybe that's one indulgent meal a day and some nutritious nibbles along the way. Or maybe it's eating smartly for four days in a row, then saying screw it on day five, when you crave cheese and fries. Either way, you should be allowing yourself to feel good when it comes to food in the way you see fit every now and then.
Purge your thoughts
The next time you catch yourself red handed and you feel guilt bubbling up, grab pencil and paper and write down exactly how you feel.
"I broke the rules. I feel horrible."
Now rip that piece of paper to shreds. What worries you masters you, so fight back by tearing your guilt to pieces.
Leave where you are
Promptly exit the scene of the food crime. There's nothing but guilt to be gained by lingering over the debris, calculating the caloric damage of all foods demolished. A new location means a new beginning.
Distract yourself
Once you're in a new locale, do something new to distract yourself. Go for a stroll outside to walk off the guilt. Get a manicure and your hands will be clean. Hit a bookshop or library and get lost in some fiction far, far away from the realms of food guilt. The most important thing is that you distract yourself and move on to something new. Otherwise, lingering food guilt will just set you back onto the denial/temptation/remorse cycle.
How to lessen food guilt
Overcoming food guilt is a journey. Even if you recognize that you want a positive relationship with food and want to experience food freedom, those feelings of guilt or shame will still happen, especially when eating foods that have been ingrained in your mind as bad or after having a moment of overindulgence. It’s completely normal and okay to be experiencing thought patterns that aren’t aligned with a healthy relationship with food. Know that it takes a lot of compassion, patience, practice, and support to really help you reframe your mindset around your relationship with food and remove feelings of guilt.
Bring awareness to when and why you are experiencing food guilt
This first step is all about bringing awareness to when and why you’re experiencing food guilt. There are usually two common causes of guilt around food. You may have made a mindless choice and realized it after the fact.
First, feelings of guilt can happen if you made a food choice that’s not in alignment with what you truly wanted or needed. This usually happens when external factors influence our food choices without us even realizing it, like emotions such as stress or boredom, our environment, or eating while distracted.
You may experience this if you made an in-the-moment decision that you didn’t truly want to make. This type of guilt tends to have less to do with the food itself, but more to do with you taking or not taking a specific action. You may be holding negative beliefs around food.
The second and often more deep-rooted cause of food guilt we see is feeling guilty around after eating foods that are often labeled bad or off limits. This can happen even when you consciously choose to eat something because you truly enjoy it and what it is, but the sense of shame creeps in any way because we’ve been taught to think of some foods as good and others as bad.
These insights about yourself can actually help guide you and help you learn how to best support yourself. When your focus is solely on feeling guilty, you never get the chance to do this self-discovery and you’ll continue to go through this cycle of guilt. Once you have more clarity and awareness on what’s causing feelings of guilt, the next step is to take a small action to help you through that.
When you do notice you’re feeling guilty, call yourself out and practice compassionate curiosity. Allow yourself the space to explore why those feelings are coming up again, recognize that they’re there, and remind yourself that food guilt doesn’t support your wellbeing. It’s a daily practice.
Slow down before meals
Sometimes food guilt can stem from mindless eating, where you were simply distracted or something in your environment or the situation you’re in triggered you to eat when you weren’t truly hungry or didn’t truly want it.
Taking a moment to pause before eating and checking in with yourself to see what your body needs and wants is such a great way to become aware of what external sources are influencing your food choices versus you’re choosing based on your body’s needs or what you’d like to consciously choose.
When you’re taking this pause, ask yourself why you’re eating. Is it boredom, stress, situational, or are you experiencing physical hunger? Then ask yourself if what you are choosing to eat is something you truly want or only want because of external factors. If your food guilt stems from eating specific foods, this pause can allow you to give full permission to yourself to intentionally choose and enjoy that food.
Let go of the food rules
When we tell ourselves that we can’t have a food item, it’s bad for us, we’re not allowed to have it, we’re inadvertently putting it on a pedestal. A pedestal that makes us idealize the food item and want the food item so much more than if we had just allowed ourselves to have some in the first place.
Once we do have the food item, either because we finally allow ourselves, reward ourselves, or it’s simply placed in front of us and we no longer have self-control, we’re much more likely to overindulge and subsequently experience that extreme sense of guilt we’re looking to avoid.
When we remove these food rules altogether, when we take the food item off of the pedestal, the food item no longer has power over us. We no longer feel out of control around it, and therefore that guilt cycle stops. Let go of the food rules, and the guilt will go with it.
Lifestyles that are more susceptible to food guilt
While anyone can be susceptible to experiencing food guilt, there are certain lifestyles that are more likely to attract this feeling. Once you recognize that you fall within one of these lifestyles, you will be one step closer to taking control and starting your wellness journey. However if you don’t relate with one of these lifestyles, and still find yourself experiencing food guilt, it does not mean that you still can’t take control.
Eating disorders
Those who have experience with eating disorders, like binge eating or emotional eating, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who is experiencing or has had experience with an eating disorder typically struggles with food more than someone who does not have an eating disorder. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because binge eaters and emotional eaters often feel guilty after they have gone through a binge eating cycle, and this often leads to another binge.
Poor food mindset
Those who have a poor food mindset, or who have a negative mindset associated with food, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who has a poor food mindset might label the food they eat as either good or bad, or healthy or junk. They might also associate themselves as bad or junk when they eat the foods they labeled as such. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because if they allow themselves to eat that bad or junk food, they may feel guilt towards allowing themself to be bad or junk.
Food anxiety
Those who have food anxiety, or find themselves nervous around or just thinking about food, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who has food anxiety might not let themself eat certain foods, whether they believe it’s because the food is bad or if they have a troubled past with that food. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because when they allow themself to eat the food they deprive themselves of, this often causes feelings of guilt.
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Food guilt can be damaging to your mental and emotional wellbeing too, and it can also lead to disordered eating habits, which are damaging to both your physical and mental health. Plus, experiencing food guilt takes away from experiencing your life and fully enjoying and appreciating your food and the many roles it has in your life. Through following these tips for navigating through food guilt, we can continue to nourish ourselves moving forward.
Extra tips to avoid food guilt
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Intuitive eating. By practicing intuitive eating, you can clear yourself of any stress or anxiety surrounding the food you’re eating. This in turn will make you enjoy the food and the people you’re with.
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Mindful eating. Try practicing mindful eating when you are experiencing food guilt by savoring the food you are eating.
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Use a food journal to track what meals or which foods trigger your guilt to figure out where to start.
